The Latest TLC Catalogue November / December issue 3550TLCAT

The Latest TLC Catalogue
November / December issue 355

Christmas 2016

Painted by Ivan Berryman


  • Christmas Is Coming
    A Turkey’s Tale


  • When I was a young turkey,
    new to the coop,
  • My big brother Mike took
    me out on the stoop,
  • Then he sat me down,
    and he spoke real slow,
  • And he told me there was
    something that I had to know.
  • His look and his tone I will
    always remember,
  • When he told me of the
    horrors of….. Black November.
  • Come about August,
    now listen to me,
  • Each day you’ll get six
    meals instead of just three.
  • And soon you’ll be thick,
    where once you were thin,
  • And you’ll grow a big
    rubbery thing under your chin.
  • And then one morning,
    when you’re warm in your bed,
  • In’ll burst the farmer’s wife,
    and hack off your head.
  • Then she’ll pluck out all
    your feathers so you’re bald ‘n pink,
  • And scoop out all your
    insides and leave ya lyin’ in the sink.
  • And then comes the worst part"
    he said not bluffing,
  • She’ll spread your cheeks
    and pack your rear with stuffing.
  • Well, the rest of his words
    were too grim to repeat,
  • I sat on the stoop like a
    winged piece of meat,.
  • And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
    I’d have to lay low and remain overlooked.
  • I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
    High roughage salads, juice and diet cola.
  • And as they ate pastries,
    chocolates and crepes,
  • I stayed in my room doing
    Jane Fonda tapes.
  • I maintained my weight of
    two pounds and a half,
  • And tried not to notice
    when the bigger birds laughed.
  • But ‘twas I who was
    laughing, under my breath,
  • As they chomped and they
    chewed, ever closer to death.
  • And sure enough when
    Black November rolled around,
  • I was the last turkey left in
    the entire compound.
  • So now I’m a pet in the
    farmer’s wife’s lap,
  • I haven’t a worry, so I eat and I nap.
    She held me today, while sewing and humming,
  • And smiled at me and said
    “Christmas is coming...”
 
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The Latest TLC Catalogue November / December issue 355

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